


SHADES OF GREY

by ivorygates



Series: Across Five Aprils [11]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-04
Updated: 2007-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:39:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivorygates/pseuds/ivorygates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>If she'd gone on calling Makepeace 'sir' in that tone he'd probably have shot her in another week. Then Teal'c would have shot him. He's not sure who Carter would have shot.</em>
</p><p>I would have called this one "Lie To Me", but that title's taken...</p><p>Jack goes rogue.  He isn't the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SHADES OF GREY

Dr. Danielle (Indiana) Jackson. Calendar age 27, intellectual age 200 or so, emotional age about 12. On a good day.

Teal'c. Calendar age 100, a warrior code that makes the samurai look like Cub Scouts. Walked away from everything he'd ever known, abandoned his world and his family, on the slim chance a bunch of aliens he'd just met could help him destroy the enemies that were enslaving his people.

Major Sam (Don't Call Me Samantha) Carter. Not as old as Teal'c, not as young as Indy. Second generation Air Force. In love with the Stargate. In love with the stars. As smart as the rest of them put together.

His team. His family.

Now he has to betray them.

#

  
  
It's been three weeks since he got back from Edora. Their missions have all been routine and peaceful, which is a good thing, as he's had time, now, to hear about what Carter and Indy did to get him back from Edora.

Not from either of them, of course. According to Carter, all she did was slap a few spare parts together in the lab so T could risk his life tunneling to the surface from Edora's buried Stargate. Indy says all she did was mow his lawn a couple of times. Neither of them mentions that Carter drafted Indy as a lab tech and spent eighteen hours a day building a particle beam generator to melt the pocket in the stone for Teal'c to work in. Or that Indy worked in Carter's lab on top of most of her other work.

General Hammond calls him into his office to give him the worst news he's gotten in a long time. Not that both the Asgard and the Tollan have evidence that apparently the SGC is stealing technology from them and that they, the Nox, and the _Tok'ra_ are about to sever all ties with Earth. But that the Tollan insist that the SGC apprehend the _real_ thieves themselves. And that the Asgard insist that Colonel O'Neill be the only one involved.

There's only one way he and General Hammond can think of to do that. And that's to send him down the rabbit hole after whatever black operation is actually doing the looting.

#

Jack comes into her office with a crash priority job: they're going back to Tollana to petition, once again, for the Tollan to share their technology with Earth.

To Jack and the SGC, "technology" means exactly one thing, of course: weapons. The one thing the Tollan have an enormous cultural bias -- not to mention extensive laws -- against _ever_ sharing with less-culturally-and-technologically-advanced races. Jack tells her to come up with a good reason for them to change their minds because SG-1 has a meeting scheduled with Chancellor Travell for Monday.

It's Thursday morning.

She drops everything she's working on, hands over everything she's doing to the other specialists, and goes to work.

Every precedent for changing an unchanging -- or outdated -- law she can find. Every reason why the Tollans' previous bad experience with providing high-level technology to a "primitive" society won't be repeated this time, and if it is, it won't matter. By late Sunday night, she thinks she has the basis for a pretty good argument. Something to which the Tollan will at least listen.

If anybody had ever listened to _her_ , and tried to trade with the Tollan for something besides weapons or technology -- their legal code, for example, or their philosophy -- she'd have had a lot more to work with. But she's given it her very best shot. She'd like to think Jack will appreciate it, and doubts he will.

#

His lack of appreciation, however, exceeds her wildest fantasies.

They've barely arrived at the Tollan Council Chambers. She's only gotten as far as saying that they'd like to trade for weapons technology, and ChancellorTravell has agreed to listen to her arguments, when Jack stands up, and announces this isn't going to get them anywhere. He breaks off the negotiation and drags her and the rest of SG-1 out of there.

And on the way back to the Stargate he steals a Tollan weapons deactivation device.

"Sir," Sammy says. She sounds as if she's strangling. "Isn't this against regulations?"

"I suppose it is, Carter." There's no emotion in Jack's voice at all.

He continues walking.

"For god's sake, Jack! That's _stealing!_ "

"Shut up, Danielle."

There's emotion in his voice now.

Contempt.

#

General Hammond asks her what she had to promise the Tollan to get the device. She wants to lie, but she can't think of one. She can't think at all.

"Dr. Jackson?" he repeats.

"Nothing. We didn't give them anything."

General Hammond continues to question them, baffled.

"I stole it," Jack finally says.

The debriefing goes downhill from there. Jack and General Hammond shout at each other. Jack is relieved of command and sent to the infirmary under Teal'c's guard. And she's sure that things can't get any worse, but then Chancellor Travell and her attaché arrive, walking through the iris. They've come to retrieve their stolen property.

She's the one who has to soothe, to apologize, to say the things that will keep them from blaming Earth and the SGC. They _need_ these allies -- in the end, Dani knows, it's alliances, not weapons, that will save them from the _Goa'uld._

She thinks she manages to convince Chancellor Travell. She hopes so. She talks a lot about all the things their cultures have to offer each other. In a sense, they are Tollana's past. Tollana is their future. Surely there are many other things to interest them about each other. She will prepare a selection of gifts, a representative sampling of Earth culture. While she knows it will be of no interest to anyone on Tollana but scholars, still it's knowledge worth sharing.

Dani can tell that Chancellor Travell is not entirely mollified. But she isn't insisting on breaking off all diplomatic ties immediately.

As Dani escorts Chancellor Travell and her attaché out of General Hammond's office, they meet Jack and Teal'c on their way in. Jack ignores her as if she wasn't there and speaks only to Chancellor Travell.

"Well, look who's here. Come to retrieve your vastly superior _stuff?_ You know, it would be a lot more superior if it wasn't so easy to steal--"

General Hammond has to shout at Jack to get him to come into his office.

"I apologize, once again, for Colonel O'Neill's behavior, Chancellor Travell, and I hope that you will not hold the behavior of one man against the people of Earth."

Every time she says the sentence it gets easier to say.

#

Once the Tollan delegation is through the Gate, she goes down to Sammy's office. Sammy looks as lost as she feels.

"He's in with General Hammond right now," Dani says. "He … ran into the Tollan delegation on his way there."

Sammy winces at the mental picture. She covers her eyes with her hand. Dani goes and puts her arms around her.

Later that day, General Hammond calls the three of them into his office to tell them that Colonel O'Neill has retired.

He's gone.

Sammy has to explain to her and Teal'c what this means, afterward. Jack has been allowed to retire, so there will be no charges. If he had stayed, he would face courts-martial, prison, maybe even execution.

But … gone. Gone from the SGC. Never coming back. None of this makes sense. Why would Jack do this?

He wouldn't.

He'd insult the Tollan, true. Abuse them. Blow her carefully-planned negotiation to bits with rude idiotic remarks. Even walk out right in the middle.

But he would never steal.

She's been at the SGC for almost four years. She's known Jack -- partly in his absence, true -- for something over five years, since the first time he walked up to Catherine and said everything about the Stargate was now classified. They've saved each others' lives. She's slept on his couch. She doesn't care what he said to General Hammond. This just isn't Jack. He's trying to go off and do something alone. Without them.

She tells Sammy before they leave that she's taking a personal day tomorrow. Everybody knows she spent all weekend working on the doomed Tollan proposal. She's even cleared it with General Hammond. She tells Sammy she'll stop by, maybe, and see how Jack is taking retirement.

Sammy looks both relieved and wary. But Dani's the logical candidate. SG-1's civilian.

Teal'c can't do it. He lives on Base. He's almost never allowed out on Earth, and never unaccompanied. Sammy could, but there'd be whole levels of awkwardness involved, as she's still in the Air Force, and was, until recently, under Jack's command.

No. If anyone goes, it has to be her, their designated Loose Cannon.

#

He's done all he can do. He's retired. Disgraced. The next move is up to the Black Team, whoever they are.

He spends an uncomfortable night, waiting for a move that doesn't come. He hopes they make it soon. God knows he did everything he could to make his end convincing. Fed up Air Force Colonel finally snaps.

He gets up, showers, shaves, tries to eat breakfast but can't quite manage it. Even though it's nowhere near noon he gets a beer, tries to relax. They probably won't come today, either. Word will still be filtering out of The Mountain. They'll want to check back; they've got to have a mole inside the SGC itself, have to; it's one of the reasons he and General Hammond had to set this up the way they did. The bad guys will take their time. Make sure it's all true.

He gets out the chess set, tries to settle to a game. He'd played with his grandfather as a kid, but Indiana got him interested in the game again when she got back from Abydos. She'd even taught Teal'c. Carter already played.

No. He isn't going to think about them. Not until this is over.

The doorbell rings. He goes to the door, beer in hand.

It's Indiana. The last -- the very last -- person he wants to see. His house is bugged. He knows it. They probably did it while he was still on base, though he gave them plenty of time, driving around for a couple of hours before he got home.

"Jack?" She has a thousand different ways of saying his name. This one means _tell me the truth._

He can't do that. They're listening.

"What do you want?" He makes his voice something just short of a snarl. She flinches. Just a little.

"To talk. I guess."

"So talk." He doesn't move. Anybody with sense would turn and run.

Indy never had any sense.

"You got another one of those?" she asks, nodding toward the beer.

"Yes."

"Going to share?"

He's going to have to let her in. And get her out of here without breaking cover. This isn't going to be pretty.

"Beer? Sure." He turns and walks away, leaving the door standing open. When he comes back from the kitchen with a second beer, she's sitting on the edge of the couch. He hands her the beer.

"Jack. I can't believe you--"

"Retired?"

"Stole."

"I prefer to think of it as protecting Earth's interests."

"That can't be what you were doing," she says stubbornly.

If he lets her go any farther she's going to blow the whole thing right here. "Yes, it can. For the last four years you've wandered around the galaxy with your head in the clouds. I haven't. Our mission is to obtain new weapons to protect Earth against the _Goa'uld._ Nothing else matters."

She stares at him blankly. "You can't be serious."

"Yes, Danielle, I can. I'm sick of putting up with your obsession with ancient ruins and alien cultures. I want to see tangible gains from our efforts. If people like the Tollan don't want to share, we should just take."

She shakes her head, slowly. "You're lying."

He forces a laugh. "I wish I'd shot you back on Abydos, kid. I really do. Or at least as soon as I'd brought you back. We'd probably have a couple of ion cannon by now if I hadn't had to listen to you whine all the time about cultural enrichment. Face it. Kissing up to folks isn't going to stop a _Goa'uld_ mothership. I'd rather be a thief and alive than honest and dead. If you really knew me, you'd know that."

He watches as all the color drains from her face.

"So this whole friendship thing we've been working on in the past few years is…"

"All in your head," he says flatly. "Not as smart as you thought you were, are you? Can't see what's right in front of you."

She sets down the beer. She hasn't touched it. Gets to her feet.

"What I can see," she says, her voice deadly flat, "is that it was a complete waste of everybody's time to bring you back from Edora."

"You're right," he says, his tone matching hers. "The company was certainly better there. Maybe I should go back."

"Go where you like," she says. "Go to hell." She walks out quickly. She doesn't slam the door.

Hell. He's pretty sure he's already there.

#

"Indy," Sammy says, surprised. "I thought you weren't coming in today."

She stops. "I guess I don't really have any place else to be but here."

#

Wednesday. General Hammond summons her, Teal'c, and Sammy to the Gateroom.

"For what purpose were we summoned?" Teal'c asks.

"My guess is we're getting our fourth," Sammy says.

"Probably somebody like Ferreti and you'll get command," she says. That will be okay -- or as okay as anything can get now. She likes Ferreti.

"I think they'll probably go with something higher than Major," Sammy says.

General Hammond comes down the stairs from the Command Center. Colonel Makepeace is with him.

"As you were," General Hammond says. "Since SG-1 is the flagship unit, it falls to me to make sure you have the strongest possible leadership. Therefore, I'm reassigning our most senior field officer as your new commanding officer. Colonel Makepeace will be joining SG-1 immediately. I hope you'll make him feel welcome."

Dani stares at Makepeace. _He's_ going to be in command and not Sammy? She doesn't like Colonel Makepeace.

"Of course, sir," Sammy says.

"Very good. Dismissed."

The three of them stare at Colonel Makepeace.

"I'm proud to join you folks. I hope you can learn to trust my command as much as you did Colonel O'Neill's."

She flinches at the sound of Jack's name.

"I'm sure we will, sir," Sammy says.

Teal'c turns and walks out without a word. Dani thinks about it for a second and follows him.

#

Dani's heading for real trouble and there's nothing Sam can do about it. She won't talk to her, or to Janet. She says everything's 'fine.' Sam knows exactly what that 'fine' means. She wishes Dani would tell her what happened at Colonel O'Neill's house. But she won't talk about that, either.

Colonel Makepeace is a fine officer. But he's by-the-book. Which worked great with SG-3. Marines. Dani and Teal'c aren't Marines.

Teal'c isn't sulking. But she's never seen him so withdrawn. It's all 'yes, Colonel Makepeace' and 'no, Colonel Makepeace.' That is, when he bothers to answer at all. He's driving the Colonel slowly crazy.

And Teal'c…

She could swear he's measuring the Colonel for a coffin.

Colonel Makepeace (Sam knows) senses this. He's too good an officer not too. He can't take it out on Teal'c. Teal'c's giving him nothing to go on. Teal'c's too good an officer to do that.

Colonel Makepeace is taking it out on Dani.

 _She's_ making her feelings known. All of a sudden she hates the military, the Stargate Program, their missions. Every time she says 'oh, yes, Colonel Makepeace, sir,' _Sam_ wants to slap her, and Sam is her closest friend.

Yesterday Makepeace called Dani his 'good little soldier.' Fortunately Sam was able to trip her. She isn't absolutely certain Dani was going to take a swing at Makepeace, but doing anything at all would be … bad.

SG-1 is falling apart.

In the past week, they've been on three missions. Fortunately they've all been routine surveys of uninhabited worlds, none of them calling for Dani's special skills. Sam is dreading the day they hit one of those. Dani will lose it completely. Sam knows it.

#

Jack is back in the SGC. He's leaving forever. He's going back to Edora. Back to Laira. Walter told her.

The others -- his friends, his colleagues -- are down in the Gate Room to see him off. They salute him. He doesn't return it. She watches from the Control Room as he steps through the Gate for the last time. And wonders what … someone … did to him to make him leave.

She's had time to think in the past week. Everything he's said, everything he's done in the past four years. It can't _all_ be a lie.

She still can't believe this is happening.

She won't.

#

He's inside the rogue operation, reached the offworld base. They're smuggling the smaller stolen items back to Earth through their mole in the SGC. It's somebody on one of the Gate Teams.

He arranges to make the next drop.

He's playing it straight. He doesn't mean to be there when the mole's team comes through. But the timing he's been given is too tight. He's caught on-world when the Stargate re-activates. Looks like he's going to find out who the mole is up close and personal. He hides. The Gate Team comes through.

It's SG-1. Carter and Indy are lugging a large box between them. It looks heavy. Indy doesn't have her quarterstaff. Teal'c is in full parade brace. Their fourth is Bob Makepeace.

"All right, let's make this quick. Major Carter, Dr Jackson, run your tests. See if the intel was right about _naquaadah_ deposits here."

"Oh, yeah, I always wanted to be a geologist," he hears Indy say.

"Suck it up, Dr. Jackson. This is the SGC, not the Girl Scouts. Be a good little soldier."

Carter gives the box a sudden yank. Indy goes sprawling forward.

What the hell?

She picks herself up. Adjusts her glasses.

"Yes sir, Colonel Makepeace, _sir._ Thank you for that invaluable piece of career advice."

"Come on, Dani. This won't take long," Carter says. Dani picks up her end of the box. They move off.

"Sergeant Teal'c. Perimeter sweep."

Teal'c doesn't even acknowledge the order, simply moves off. Makepeace follows.

Less than half an hour later they're all back in front of the Stargate again. A new land speed record for Carter and _naquaadah_ tests, and Indy _always_ finds something she wants to poke at, even on a completely uninhabited planet. Still, he's just as glad they're going. He needs to confirm the mole. It might be another Team coming through later. Carter or Indy might -- somehow -- be being blackmailed. Even Teal'c.

But it's Makepeace, to his great relief, who collects the drop.

SG-1 goes back through the Gate.

Now it's his turn.

#

She's going back to Abydos.

She can't do this any more.

She's sitting in her office. She has a mission report to write. For their terribly exciting whirlwind mission to a planet whose designation she's already forgotten. Taking soil and air samples for Sammy. An airman could have done that.

She stares at the blank computer screen.

_"Good little soldier."_

Klaxons. Offworld activation. SG-1 is paged to the Gateroom.

She runs.

#

The iris is open. Jack is standing in the event horizon, one arm stuck back through it. He's keeping it open. The wormhole won't collapse while matter is in transit. The Gate Room is filled with SFs. Strangers in motley are running through the Gate. As they come through, they're arrested. Shackled. The last one comes through. Jack sweeps his arm free of the event horizon. The wormhole collapses.

Teal'c and Makepeace are in the middle of things, tying people up with quick-ties and handing them over to the SFs. Sammy is standing with General Hammond. Dani goes over to them.

General Hammond looks … relieved?

Jack walks down the ramp to Colonel Makepeace. "Give me one of those," he says.

Makepeace passes him a set of the plastic quick-ties. Jack whips Makepeace's hands behind him. Ties them.

"What the _hell?_ " she hears Makepeace say. "What are you _doing?_ "

"That would be… my job."

There's satisfaction in Jack's voice. Relief hits like a hammer to her chest. His job. He's back. He's theirs again.

General Hammond walks over to the group of prisoners -- it includes Makepeace. She and Sammy follow.

"Good little soldier," Dani says, very quietly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that you are all under arrest for high crimes against the United States and its allies," General Hammond says.

Chancellor Travell enters the Gate Room. She's coming from General Hammond's office.

"You really blew it, O'Neill," Colonel Makepeace says.

Jack is grinning. "Oh, I think it came off quite nicely, don't you, General Hammond?"

She thinks General Hammond would be grinning too if he weren't a General. "Yes, Colonel O'Neill, I do."

Makepeace won't shut up. "You have no idea of how high up this goes."

Jack raises his eyebrows. "Like the Tollan, _Tok'ra,_ Asgard, Nox … those folks?"

"They refuse to give us the things we need to defend ourselves!"

"We don't need their _stuff,_ Makepeace. We _do_ need them," Jack says. It's like listening to a Looking Glass version of the argument she tried to have at Jack's house two weeks ago. Except now he has all her lines.

"Get them out of here," General Hammond says.

The SFs remove the prisoners. General Hammond looks at her and at Sammy. "About a month ago, the Asgard and the Tollan both approached the SGC with evidence that we were stealing technology from them," he says.

"Us?" Sammy says faintly.

"They were going to sever all ties with us. But we convinced them that the actions must be the work of a rogue group from outside the SGC," General Hammond finishes.

And Makepeace, of course. How could he do it? He's been here since there _was_ an SG-3.

"We insisted that you apprehend them yourselves. You have now regained our trust," Chancellor Travell says. (And to think, she always used to like Chancellor Travell and the Tollan.)

"So you set the whole thing up on Tollana in the hopes that the mole would think you were one of them … and approach you?" Sammy says to Jack.

"And he didn't trust us." He didn't trust _her._ She'd believed in him despite everything he'd said to her. But he hadn't trusted her.

"We wanted to ensure that your reaction to Colonel O'Neill's behavior was as it should be. And the Asgard insisted that Colonel O'Neill be the only one involved," General Hammond says.

"They like me," Jack says apologetically, shrugging. (Which is true. The Asgard seem to adore him, for reasons nobody can quite figure out.)

He's looking at her. She looks away.

"And now, will you come with me, Your Eminence?" General Hammond says.

Chancellor Travell and General Hammond leave. At least this time she isn't going to have to grovel to Chancellor Travell again. She doesn't think she could manage it.

They're alone in the Gateroom now, more or less. Just SG-1. The _real_ SG-1.

"I'm back," Jack says, clowning a bit.

She should be angry. Relieved. Happy. She just feels cold inside.

"It's good to have you back, sir," Sammy says. Dani can already tell that is just going to be water under the bridge for Sammy. Just another mission. The Asgard propose, General Hammond disposes, and that's that.

"Indeed," Teal'c says. _Tau'ri_ customs are already so bizarre to Teal'c he'll probably just take this in stride. She wonders if Jaffa run covert operations.

"Thank you," Jack says. He sounds sincere. Relieved.

#

She's still looking at the floor. Arms wrapped around her, head down. Angry? Hurt?

Probably really pissed-off.

"Ah… Indy?" He gestures for her to walk with him. It's something of a relief when she does. The others follow. "You know… All that stuff. At my house. The house was bugged."

She glances sideways at him, not saying anything.

"I had to keep up the act."

"Great act. No. I understand, Jack."

"And, so, obviously, the whole… friendship thing…"

"Oh, we're… You… Don't…"

"So. You want to come over tonight? Finish your beer? Maybe I'll give you a game. You'll have to spot me a rook, though."

She stops walking then and looks him full in the face. He can't read her expression at all. He's not used to that. He can always tell what she's thinking. Every thought she's ever had is displayed on her face for the world to see.

And in her eyes.

"There's actually some place else I have to be. Maybe another time." She walks on.

He glances back at Carter and Teal'c. Their faces are studiously unhelpful.

This is going to take some work.

#

Dr. Jackson has bad habits.

He knows that about her. He knows everything about his team. He's their boss. They've all had full background checks in order to be at the SGC, and he's read them. Carter's is clean as a whistle. Teal'c's… Well, Teal'c still surprises them now and then. Hard to do a background check on a guy from another planet.

Indiana…

She'd never have been let within a thousand miles of the Stargate except for the fact that she's absolutely vital to the program. She made the damned thing _work,_ for crying out loud.

And every few months -- not too often -- she goes off the rails and picks up strange men in bars. He can see her now, at the other end of the bar. Sitting with a Scotch in front of her, talking to the bartender. She cleans up well. She'll manage to find somebody to go off with by the end of the night. She never sees them twice.

She never takes them home. She always rents a hotel room. Indy's practical that way. The strangest combination of utterly practical and completely clueless. Some day she's going to take the wrong man back to the hotel. She'll get hurt. She's just asking for trouble.

She doesn't see him. He doesn't intend her to. The bar is full, a Friday night crowd, noisy and oblivious. Far from any of the military bases in Colorado Springs. Not her kind of place. Or his. She doesn't really look as if she wants to be here at all.

The role he had to play hit them all hard. He'd had to say a lot of things he'd never wanted to say. She knows it was all lies. Maybourne had his house bugged. Maybourne had a mole in the SGC.

She's still here.

She tosses back the rest of her drink. The bartender sets a new one in front of her. Points. There's a pantomime he has no trouble deciphering. _A gentleman has sent over a drink._ She turns and looks, peering into the dim depths of the bar. She raises a hand in salute. Picks up the fresh drink and moves off toward whoever it is.

_Time to go, O'Neill._

She has to stop doing this.

#

INTERLUDE:

Three days since he got back. Amazing how little it takes to wreck the equilibrium of a Field Team. And how quickly it can happen. General Hammond would never have given Makepeace SG-1 if he'd known Makepeace was the mole. Hell, Robert F. Makepeace, hardcore Marine, a traitor? O'Neill would have trusted Bob Makepeace with his life.

O'Neill's told Carter about seeing them in the field with Makepiece. Went down to her lab and asked her what knocking Indy on her face back on that planet was all about. Carter pokers right up. He expected that.

"She … had difficulty with the change of command, sir."

"Aw, c'mon, Carter, don't make me go talk to Teal'c."

He and Teal'c are okay. He went away. He came back. He's still alive. He lied, but he apologized. That's pretty much it for things between him and Teal'c. He and Carter are going to be okay. She's military. Lying was a mission requirement. Letting her know he didn't like it any more than she did helps.

Leaving Indiana.

Who isn't talking to him. Who's actively avoiding him. Who's been avoiding Carter and Teal'c since he got back, which is more than a danger sign. They're her closest friends. _He_ used to be her friend, until a few weeks ago.

She's very good (he's rediscovered in the last three days) at avoidance. He hasn't seen her at breakfast or lunch. He's fairly sure she hasn't been in the Commissary at all. Her office is always dark. There's a note on her door that says she's working up in Cataloguing and Translation if anyone needs her, which means (he knows) she's hiding. He knows better than to try to catch her in Cataloguing and Translation. There are too many ways in and out of there.

Carter realizes he's not going to go away. And it's about Indy. And they're all worried about her by now.

"She had severe reservations, sir."

Dr. Jackson may be SG-1's linguist, but Major Carter is a master of military code. "Difficulty." "Severe reservations." Carter pulled Indy off her feet before she could take a swing at Colonel Makepeace.

"For how long?"

Carter smiles faintly. "Since General Hammond told us he was joining the team."

"And I suppose that Colonel Makepeace was aware of her … severe … reservations?"

"Sir, permission to speak freely?"

This doesn't sound good at all. "Granted, Major."

"Neither she nor Teal'c wanted him there. Teal'c didn't say anything. He didn't have to. You know how he is, sir. Dani … well, she said quite a lot."

"About?" He has to get to the bottom of this.

"Nothing of a … personal nature. She didn't have very favorable comments about the military in general, or the goals of the Stargate program, or our missions -- all routine surveys, sir, nothing very exciting -- but Colonel Makepeace…" Carter wilts. Carter actually _wilts._ "He didn't care for the way she addressed him."

O'Neill is frankly baffled. Indy can swear in three-dozen languages, and has a fairly interesting command of English invective, but insulting a superior officer means disciplinary action, even for a civilian consultant. She was still on the team. And he didn't hear anything all that out of the ordinary when he'd been eavesdropping on them.

"Carter? What did she call him?"

"She called him 'sir', Colonel," Carter says, sounding miserable.

And he called her 'a good little soldier.' That settles what Makepeace was doing to tear his team apart. Not how to make Indiana forgive him. And that's -- unfortunately -- the right word. She has no idea of military necessities and never did. As far as she sees things -- if he's guessing correctly -- her friend Jack has hurt her terribly for no reason, and that's that. Despite the fact he explained about the Asgard. Or maybe she missed that.

Well, he'd better explain it again. And she'd better listen, because Teal'c and Carter aren't going to settle down with her pulling one way and him pulling the other. In fact, if she pulls hard enough the other way, he's pretty sure she can blow things all to hell again without even trying. They're at the top of the rotation in four days. General Hammond's put it off as long as he can to give them time to catch up. But they've got to be ready to go through the Gate.

_Or?_

He finds he actually can't bring himself to seriously consider having General Hammond transfer her to another Gate Team. For crying out loud, look what just almost happened with Makepeace. Exactly what he'd been saying was going to happen for years.

Nobody else will put up with her.

SG-1 won't be the same without her.

#

This time, when he goes looking for her, he enlists help.

Not the rest of the team. That would not be "fair", and there are certain specific rules about right and wrong -- and "fair" -- so firmly embedded in Indy's webby little mind she'd take on a _Goa'uld_ mothership with her big stick in defense of them. He isn't "allowed" to have SG-1's help to find her if she can't have their help to evade him. Fair is fair. And… the last thing he wants is to make this something where everybody takes sides. He wants this settled, not a bigger mess.

However, by her own rules it's "okay" to enlist Doc Frasier. He doesn't even bother to come up with a good excuse as to why he's asking Frasier to call around to find Indy instead of doing it himself. She's one of Indy's closest friends. If she hasn't figured it out already, she doesn't belong in the SGC.

It's too early for Indy to have left The Mountain. Frasier checks C&T, but she isn't there either.

"Try the gym, Colonel," Dr. Frasier says. "She's been spending a lot of time there lately."

"Thanks, Doc. You're a peach."

#

The quarterstaff moves in her hands like a living thing. It keeps her from thinking. It doesn't keep her from thinking. She's been here for an hour already. It isn't helping. Jack did what he had to do. What General Hammond ordered him to do. What the Asgard made him do.

They need their allies. They need their allies more than they need their … stuff.

He said that.

She hits harder.

He hurt her.

She's done everything she can think of to make the pain go away and it won't. It feels as if he stripped her naked. He knew all the right words to say. He _knew._

She wanted to help him. He didn't want her help. Didn't want. Didn't need. Doesn't need.

Her head hurts. Every muscle aches. She's drenched in sweat, gasping for air. She doesn't stop.

He was doing his job. She's the one who isn't good enough, because she can't let it go. Can't let it be just a _job._

She hits again.

#

He hears the sound before he reaches the room. It's muffled. Sounds like drumming. He stops beside the doorway and looks cautiously inside. Indy's inside, hammering the hell out of a padded support pillar with her quarterstaff. She's trying the flashy moves, the ones she'd never use in actual combat: spins, reverses, pass-overs. Bouncing the staff off the floor and catching it again. Her t-shirt is soaked with sweat, plastered to her skin, and even her sweatpants are clinging. She's been at this a long time. He can hear her gasping for breath. The air rasps in her throat.

And … something else?

She's saying something.

It takes him a while to piece the sentence together. Most of the words are lost in her increasingly-desperate attempts to breathe while refusing to slacken the pace, though frankly O'Neill figures the pillar should have surrendered a long time ago. But finally he has it all.

_"I apologize, once again, for Colonel O'Neill's behavior, Chancellor Travell."_

Yeah, that explains one or two things. She'd have been the one who had to try to make things right with the Tollan. Travell would know nothing Indy said would make any difference. Indy wouldn't. She'd worked right through the weekend putting together a proposal to the Tollan he'd known he was never going to let her deliver. But a copy had to be in the SGC Mainframe for the mole to find.

The quarterstaff goes bouncing out of her hands and skitters across the floor -- she's finally exhausted herself, but it's been impressive.

He watches as she spins around, falls backward against the pillar, and slides into a sitting position. She leans her head back, gasping like a marathon runner at the finish line. Her face is flushed; her skin glistens with sweat, her hair is as wet as if she's been in the shower.

He walks in. She doesn't see him; her eyes are closed, and she's breathing too loudly to hear him. He glances around, spots her glasses and a towel next to a bottle of water on a bench against the wall. He picks up all three and comes over to her.

She _does_ notice when he comes between her and the light. Good. Her eyes open. She peers at him myopically, recognizes him even without her glasses. She's too winded to try to bolt. Also good. He sits down beside her, offers her the towel.

"We need to talk."

"I've so enjoyed all our talks lately," she says, her breathing still ragged. She takes the towel and scrubs her face with it. Hair next, then she drapes the towel around her neck and runs her hands through her hair, scraping it back off her face. She picks up the water.

She won't meet his eyes.

"Carter tells me you didn't get along with Colonel Makepeace." It isn't what he meant to say, but right now he isn't quite sure how to get there.

"Bonny Sweet Robin? He was a joy. Reminded me of you, in fact. It was as if you were never gone. _Sir._ "

Yeah, if she'd gone on calling Makepeace 'sir' in that tone he'd probably have shot her in another week. Then Teal'c would have shot _him._ He's not sure who Carter would have shot.

"Well, I'm glad you had so much fun. When General Hammond laid out the Asgards' terms I wasn't that happy. But since we didn't know who the insider was, we had to make it look good. That's why I stuck you with that term paper." He might as well try apologizing for everything he can think of and see if he hits whatever's bothering her most. Aside from being tricked, abused, and lied to since the beginning of this.

"Yeah, even if I'm not as bright as I thought, I did manage to figure out the whole Tollan approach was part of your … cover."

'Not as bright.' It's one of the things he said to her at his house. "Indiana. Those were all lies. I told you that."

She drinks half the bottle of water in one long gulp. Picks up her glasses but doesn't put them on. "I know. But you really knew what buttons to push, didn't you? You wanted me out of your house, and you got me out. And I'd come to help." She leans forward now, resting her elbows on her knees, talking to the floor. "You see, here's the thing. You lied to me -- to _us_ \-- because you were told to. Okay. Now you might say -- _now_ \-- you'll never lie to any of us again. But you will, the next time you're ordered to. Or you think it's necessary. Now, why might you think it was necessary?"

She's lecturing him. He knows that tone. Patient. Arrogant. Condescending. Indiana.

"To achieve a goal, of course, which would probably be, oh, neutralizing bad guys, blowing up enemy space ships, it's not really important. My point here is that -- for you -- achieving these goals is the most important thing in your life, and you'll sacrifice your friends to do it. So--"

"No," O'Neill says.

"What?" She doesn't move.

"I won't sacrifice my friends." His _friendships,_ yes. But his friends are still alive. Will still be alive. He won't ask anyone to die just so he can live. That's what a sacrifice is.

"But you're going to _lie_ to us."

She sounds as if he's going to shoot them instead. When she says 'friend', she means 'friendship'. When she says 'friendship,' she means 'friend'. For Dr. Jackson, the two concepts are identical. Helluva example of sloppy thinking from a linguist. He's talking in military objectives, she's answering in family. It's something the military does its best to beat out of you. Because commanders have to order men to die. Have to see soldiers -- airmen -- as _tools,_ not as people.

Have to see the Mission Objective as the most important thing.

"Not for a week or so at least. More, if you're lucky." He tries a smile, but gets no response. "Indy, this is a war we're fighting. It gets pretty dark and nasty out there sometimes. All we can do is our best to get through it without hurting anybody but the enemy." And he can't promise that. He can't promise anything but to do his best to keep her alive. To keep them _all_ alive.

She nods, as if he's said all of that aloud. Leans back against the pillar. Puts on her glasses and looks at him, smiling just a little. Mocking him. She knows how bad he is at this. If they need to talk to anyone Out There, she's the one who does the talking.

They sit in silence for a few moments.

He knows they're going to be all right now, though he's damned if he can figure out what part of the conversation they've just had constitutes an apology, made or accepted. He understands women just fine. It's _Indiana_ he has trouble with.

"Okay, Jack," she says. She hesitates, just for a second. "Lie to me."

###

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, the tailpiece for this one is pretty much unabashed schmoop, Ivorygates style. "Shades of Grey" is an ep that really cries out for an OH MY GOD THEN WHAT HAPPENED, scene, so like thousands before me, I wrote one.
> 
> Of course, everything goes a little different when two members of SG-1 are in love and in denial, but I'd also wanted to address a few points that bothered me about canon. One, if they're going to Tollana to make a major "give us all your stuff" pitch, then it's going to take a bit of groundwork. And Dani's right: if the Tollen won't trade weapons, that doesn't mean they don't have anything Earth would find of value. And two, we're never given any indication Daniel doesn't buy Jack's story hook, line, and sinker. But why would he? He's known Jack a damned long time in a lot of intense situations by now. He should know better: but we have no indication that he does.
> 
> Dani, however, knows perfectly well this is completely out of character for Jack (and yes, the fact that the civilian is the only one who can really go and talk to him kind of blows the whole "we drew lots" thing out of the water, so I ditched it), but she can't figure out what's really going on. And yeah, he does know all the right buttons to push.
> 
> PS: Makepeace's middle name is Francis, and I think he's called by it when he's called by his first name in canon. But Jack already knows a "Frank" (Cromwell), so I think he'd go with Bob...


End file.
